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Turning and returning to some secret place to hide
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| Don't you forget about me....... |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Hye!...its been a LONG time i know but i really need to start updating...well ive just been stuck in my brain...perhaps i think too much...the words wont come to my head right now...i dk what to talk about...im in such emotional turmoil that i cant even think about anything....like i cant control my thoughts they just wander away to the mysterious beyond...my heart feels heavy and i feel as if i were weighted down by some unbearable force....i guess i find my self lost today...but thats my job i suppose to struggle to struggle till i can float...but damn i dident know i would have to fight so hard...i dident know that when i thought that i reached the end i fnd myself right at the beginning...I WILL JUST DO MY BEST!!!!! |
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| Foamy snow..? |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|03:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
Hye!...well again i should be working...but i realized i have neglacted you agin...its going to be short though for i have not much time....i finished a tale of two cities...my was that a grand book...it really calls upon you ya know...i hate that like everyone in my class dooesnt read it and just gets spark notes...thay miss out on the most amazing stories...but then again not many people think as i do do and would think this story boring, but not me i love how you could picture everything so clear and see it happening before exactly as the wirter was thinking in that exact moment so long ago in the time way back when it was written..gosh the magnificance of it all...now im just trying unsuccessfully to start writing the damn report itself but im at a stand still because im lost a one point and must ask the teacher to move on ...but i guess that really is not an excuse because i could just skip that paragraph for now and do the rest...then i plan to study and mabe draw(i hope)...i dk i might see festival lights but then again i dont know..i probably missed my chance...i dk im undecided...i just feel so exhasted mentally..i have way to much to think about my brain cannot stay still....everything is so christmasssy already...i went shopping yesturday for a long time although i should not have and bought cute clothes...gese and i said this would be short i guess it was longer then i expected but i really should go i must go so bye bye my child! |
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| turkey for you turkey for me... |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|06:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
hello out there!..its been awile i know...the truth is i just really have no time for anything anymore...like right now i should not be doing this because i still have alot to do ...but i felt guilty ..so i must give in i suppose...i know it would be amazing if it were so but my efforts are in vain because it will never happen...ive had some great times since i last updated but really very few to be more specific...life is sorta like blurr and im just following the pattern in which my life falls...everyday ...that same mindless actions, school, homework, eat, sleep, wake up and over and over and over again...its so uneventful ...almost zombie like...i swear sometimes im a vampire..lol..exept when i blush of corse ...but i dont even remember the last time i did such an act...(sigh)...how depressing this must all sound...even my laugh i have forgotten and when it does come i dont even recognize it as mine...i dont how my life became one without a purpose, besides my long term goals and changing the world...and going to japan of corse...i think nobody trusts me ..thats why im avoided ...gosh i must really look creepy then...but if only people could see that i could love them much more then most...and that if you give me a chance i wont let you down...but unfortunatly the world does not take advantage of me ..i guess maybe thats a good thing...but i dk it doesnt seem to be helping anyone...love always |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
Hello my friend, i know it has been awile since i last wrote. its been kinda hard walking on the ceiling, always afraid your gunna fall down. My little abby has been such a doll and i find my self very dedicated to her happiness. I can not say that i am perticularly happy for the weekend to come because i know i have alot of work to do, almost to the point when i feel i will surely explode. A girl can only do so much in margins of father time. My heart does reach out to all of you out there and i do declare that i will one day be a legand and i will change the world. I know it does not seem possible at the moment i know that im not exactly the smartest bulb in the bunch, but i can see see the moonbeams falling ever so gentle in the eyes of strangers passing. Oh how is it so that life can become such a difficult task. How i yearn to play and walk among life thats constantly flowing around me like currents on a choppy day. I have been working ever so hard , please take me up into the sky that is ever so high. |
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| your so "very" special...lol |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|12:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
hye ....i just remembered today...that i have to smile...and that made me really happy...ive been reading alot of manga....six in a day and a half....i was so excited i couldent put anything down...i know the sickness is still inside me...but it doesnt really affect or bother me that much ..it all depends on my mood....my cheak is like a balloon...it feels like its getting bigger and bigger everytime i look at it...well im gunna be in the north for the next 2 days and then im gunna have company at the shore...and im gunna try mochi and maybe start drinking tea again ...i miss it....for some reason i have a feeling that im gunna be ok....it was rough at first and now im starting to see through i think...maybe im just too caring...i just dont see the godness around me ...all i see is this awful world...boy do i have alot of work to do...love always |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|05:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
Hello earthlings i can see you are not well....as a matter offact you may want to consult with the outer galactic beings for help...i suppose they may be able to help....for i am only a lowly observer of the poor wretched people of this planet and there is not a thing for me to do...it makes me so sad as i look upon you....so tourmented...so confused...tears escape my eyes unconciously for you....this grief does not go for the sorrow is al around me ...oh dear oh my ive have gone off to the wrong start...things do not always appear to be what they seem..for i have many a good days and many a great days....some that were even fun...what marvolous things are brought forth to me...and i grin with delight...but that goodness is locked somewhere...oh please oh please let it free my loves..if you dare........love always |
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| a hate drawn from love |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
hye,
i cannoot say that im in the best of spirits...but i got my boating licese...my mind keepng on spazing out and i cant think rite...pride and predudice was amazing...i couldent stope thinking about it for awile.....i think if i were to chose a usband in that book it would be mr. darcy...it just feels rite...i saw a really cute boy at boating classes but he was a year younger and ill never see him again anyway...he seemed nice though...i miss kat...i really do....i have no one to talk to ever...i dont know how im alive..it just feels so awful....i rather not tallk much anymore im really tired and i feel hungry ...sigh...gese i need somebody to love...love always |
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| ..hehe...hye....its me |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|09:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
hello everyone....how do you do?...i am pleased to announce my return from the depths of darkness....i can feel my strength growing every day..but im sort of scared..this world is in so much need and i am only a single heart, a single body and a single mind....i need to gather up my power for the future it needs me....and that has become very clear...some purpose i am unaware of...yet something tells me to prepare....i sense the beginning of change within myself and i just need to meditate and dwell within myself for a while...and this piece i am searching for before my heart gets devoured by this evil that has become evident all around me...also im this light i must consult with my comrades ...for they will help me clear the path that i must follow...i wish nothing but the best for this world both light and dark.. |
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| the pillows |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|10:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
hye...yeah well hersey was awsome..and i had fun with these girls..lol..many rides and chocolate,..now its the night after my day home ..i woke up real late...refreashing...then i watched tv forever .......i dk...i needed a resting day that i did...and i found a kool band callled the pillows...blah blah...im excited i went food shopping and got so much kool food...and gum i dk i feel like chewing it..lol...im such a wacko...i wanna watch SAMURAI X...ya!...go this way and that....love always |
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| lazy girl am i |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|12:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ditzy | ] |
hye...ive been realy upbeat after my good down pour last night..and my influential yet odd talk with kat...gosh i could not live without that kid...but boy does she worry me so...i can defeat enything i put my mind too even if it is myself!....ha in your face you dumb loser fog!....ok well bad news i dident start studing for finals yet.....dumb me...im scared but im not freaking out so im ok...ill just do my best, whatever that is and be happy about it... because i am not going to drive mysself crazy....i cannt afford that....love always ! |
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| julia |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|08:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
hye...welli have to say this week has been very depressing...i dk why..i feel like ed is always trying to get me...everytime i do something with something...i always think...oh god this is going to ruin my body...but then i do it anyway...then i feel terrible about me ...no one knows i think like this...and i usually dont ...atleast not often....and sometimes i perfectly fine...i wish nothing had labels...then maybe itd be ok...school is so hard for me sometimes...i dont understand alot...i need help...but no one ever wants to hear me or help me sort my thoughts/....i always feel as if i am about to explode....this disccusting taste wont leave my mouth...i think revealed enough for one day....love always |
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| Come....follow me....across the sea of time |
[May. 31st, 2006|09:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
hye...so ok lele's got me thinking about the whole happiness thing for a sec...well personally being alive ...yes im happy and grateful i am...yet i cant turn my back on the suffering being alive causes...one must remember that pain and sorrow and hurt are also emotions...along with all the good feeling ones.. i am infatuated with senses as well...ok my rant is over i will not bore you with my strange and twisted mind....salty orbs were flowing down ...slowly falling off the land, splashing finally to its end..it came from the world...this world i now live in...it did not fall because of me or for me for that matter, but it fell for the world...a cry for the world....everyday i dont know me...who is this person staring back at me!...turning and moving uncontrolablly..tasting the world then spitting it out like poison...seeping ever deeper in an ocean of black...who will help you when the shadows come?..but you already know the answer...it pulses within you and you realize the truth...that what you knew never exited, that you never existed...love always |
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| Here come the sun.... |
[May. 28th, 2006|08:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | full | ] |
hye....ok its official ...I AM A PIG!...all i do all day is eat tons of food and bad for you ice cream and cakes!..then on top of it all i burp like 100 times..(sigh)..whoa is me..the worst part of it all i dont even do physical activity...boy im in for it...and summers coming up too...im gunna be a blob...(sighs again)....-_-....whats up with the sighing ...i dk...well today ws somewhat successful...i wanna be done so i can watch more KENSHIN!.....im so nervous for the last two weeks of school you have no idea!...so times i dont know who you are enymore suger kakes...really you worry me so...i sort of envy you...you can do whatever you want whenever you want...eat whatever you want...be what size you want...you really got it made...but i can only be me and i accept that...but can still envy aye...pool is open...summer has officaly begun starting tom...oh boy what a wonderful excited feeling i have...gosh am i blabbering again...i think i am i will stop now....sry for bugging you so much and spilling out my thoughts...love always |
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| the shadows of my nitemares |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
hye...well it is friday ...yes friday...the next three days with be torture...purly and wholey...sometimes i begin to question whatis good for one's self....i try to help, care and love for people..but it seems impossible to reach minds that are so closed and filled with nonsense...i keep feeling so much.....clint eastwood movie was awsome...i was really tired so i started to fall asleep but then i all of a sudden felt awake again so here i am...kenshin was fun to watch today stupid shougo amaksa....but it was sad..it does feel great to be home ...i dont know me sometimes...i loathe mindless chatter...boy i cant stand it....busy busy bee that i am...my body is just a chest containing me..it feels like its not even part of me....i look at it and screw up my face trying to find a trace of me...but its all gone...the sun will rise tommorow though...buddism has taught me a great lesson ..in that life is full of pain and suffering...and thats just the way it is...we can face it or we can can choose to be ignorant of the truth...what is the truth after all?...love always |
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| Pinball Wizards |
[May. 22nd, 2006|05:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
hye...today was mon....i dk i feel so stressed inside even though i shouldent...(sigh)..i want lele to pre-read my first chapter of my book...gosh i swear i have secret fantasies...oh boy what amazing feeling i get when i read my manga..truth is nice...if someone can just tell me the truth...i think i can respect them...i wanna see tommy one day...today was fairly decent i guess...nothing really happened which is good ...i was really blah about me today though...i think im ok now..its amazing what the the next moment wil make me feel like...summer is so close i can taste it and i cant wait another minute!!!!...love always ^_^ |
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| Love me do... |
[May. 16th, 2006|09:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | full | ] |
hye...i cant say today was great ...grrr...eck..i kinda of lost control again..i dk i tend to do that often..i said many things i wish i dident...but yeah i went crazy...i swear im a nut....really i am...everything makes me sad...good things make me sad....im just so tired..tom. might be mice...maybe..gosh i feel so full i could die....oh well ...gosh im stuck in an imaginary world that i am....now if only it were reality...love always! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2006|03:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
hye........well what a disappointing monday....i proud though because i finished the first chapter of my story ....yay!...im starting to feel reallly blah about finals...cause i just cant concentrate no matter what i try to do ...its impossible i tell you.....and not to mention my extremly long portfolio i have been putting offf...gosh...i got reallly upset this weekend....but then i was really happy...i swear the tears would not stop...i loathe it all...STUPID JERKS!...not you them...i also left under eye makeup down the shore...someone told me i look tired...gese i was wide awake...i wasent tired at all today....but it still turned out to be quiet a crumby day to say the least...love you always...
It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I've got to keep control
I remember doing the TIme Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling
Let's do the time warp again...
Let's do the time warp again!
It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!
It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention
Well-secluded, I see all
With a bit of a mind flip
You're there in the time slip
And nothing can ever be the same
You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
Let's do the Time Warp again! |
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| turn, turn, turn |
[May. 11th, 2006|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
Hye!...i want to bring justice to the world...i really do...i do have the guts somewhere inside...although i have not found it yet..i dk....i kind of just wanted to post a intro to my story even though no one will read ...cause it will take me forever...its called Iron Butterfly...dont judge but the intro though i cant really decribe the story...its hard....
Something had gone terribly wrong. The last time Raya checked she was a little girl standing near the ocean . Now she was 17 and life could not be more complicated. It was not the fact that her best friend got captured by the Wobins, the mysterious local motorcycle gang or that she was losing her standings in school. It was because now she was all alone and being alone makes things even worse……
thats it dumb i know but whatever the story is better...gosh i love the doors...off corse the swirls of peanut butter could not stop you! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|01:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
hye...it sure has been awile...i had a couple realy nice days and couple really bad ones...osh i loathe things some times...but boy its such a pretty day...i want to talk to eighanne sometime today i hope i have many questions....it always seems im never good enough no matter what i do im always sabatoging myself..yeah rite...i have so much work to do i dont even want to start ...its looming over me like a dark cloud about to pour...i got to finish my inu-fanfic..it was really interesting..oh yeah i went over kats house...i had so much to tell it just poured out of me...i think bored er even though she it was ok ...we watched big fish ..which was a very funny/sad/interesting movie...and had one very good black tea with choco. chip cookies...what a delight...i was so happy after that ...i was realy energetic and i couldent sleep...i kept think about leighanne andwhat she was doing...lol...im exited im going down the shore today...maybe some baseball...and vidio games...im such a bum...but could have sworn she looked perfect standing outside that door..that night..like life just stopped for a moment a piece of something i always look foward too...gosh if only people knew you the way i do...sometimes i dont want to leave i feel so relieved...or maybe im just insane..oh and i saw my dream motorcyle...my brain hurts oh why oh why me..."my oh my, baby, you do reflect the sun"................... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2006|11:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
Dear reader,
Lately, i have been thinking alot...as a matter of fact, i even think in my dreams...im not sure about alot of things at this point..but i it occurs me that the reality that i am living as this moment is not one i wish to lead...then again, there are somethings i really do like..sometimes i think i want to make my myselfmiserable or i just look own on myself and nothing ever happens..i feel extremly lost and evn though i know i have so many wonderful people around me i feel so lonely...like im in a differnt demesion or something and no one speaks my language...well today was somewhat of a waste..i watched vidios of when i was born to when i was about five..it was so funny to everyone just talking as if life was wonderful..to hear people that are now dead..to acually see and hear them talking to you and you look at them and smile like your in some sort of heaven..if only i only the world were like that ..haha and i heard katherine sing!..i dispise school...i hate waking up in the morning knowing that i have tests and work and projects all due with no time for me...no time for me to live..just work work work work and work...if only you knew how much i love you.. |
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